I needed to go out of town last weekend so my dad agreed to watch my dog while I was away. The idea was for him to meet me at my house at 11:00 so I could give him the feeding instructions, etc. He arrives at 10:30 when I am still in the process of getting packed and ready to go. Since he can't ever sit still, he says:
"Well, I am going to go for a walk and get myself oriented. I'll be back in 45 minutes."
He grabs the leash, and walks out the door with King, my rescued greyhound.
About 30 minutes later, he comes through the door with a huge smile on his face.
"I met your neighbor, Janie. She's VERY attractive. She has a little white poodle. Do you know her?"
And with that, he pulls a slip of paper out of his front pocket, and shows me. There is a phone number written on the paper, in a feminine handwriting. His face is beaming.
I am shocked. He's 76, but lord, he moves fast.
"Dad, how did that happen?"
"Well, we just got to talking and I told her that I was visiting and that I wanted to go to the wine bar while I was here. She's an artist. She has back problems. Her condo is exactly the same as yours inside."
"YOU WENT INSIDE HER HOUSE?!!??"
"Well, she had to get a piece of paper so she could write down her phone number."
I am left speechless. I have no idea what to say to this. So, I leave for the airport.
Later that night, I call his cell to see things are going, and to make sure he has everything he needs. No answer. I try again at 7pm, with no luck. At 8, I call again... zilch. Now I am pissed. Finally my phone rings at 9:30 pm and I see that it's him. I decide that I don't want to hear why he didn't answer his phone, and leave it for the morning.
The following morning, I call him again. He says that everything is fine, and that he and King are already on a walk. (It's 7:30 am) I ask him, jokingly, if he went out with the neighbor poodle lady. To my surprise (and horror) he answers:
"Yes I did."
"Oh really. What did you do?"
Now he sounds really pleased with himself. "First we went to the Beach House for drinks at about 5. Then we went over to Ki's for dinner. I had the coconut mahi-mahi."
I suppose he is forgetting that he was there to watch my dog, and that the dog usually gets fed between 6 and 7.
"So... when did you feed the dog?"
"Oh I fed him before we left, he's fine."
This would mean that he fed the dog at around 4:45.
Instead of giving him grief about feeding my dog at a bizarre hour, I decide to ask him about JOANNE instead.
"I thought you had a girlfriend, dad."
"Well I do."
"Um, Ok. Was it fun?"
"Oh yes, we had a great time. She's an artist."
Is he this delusional? Is JOANNE just a placeholder until a more attractive catch comes along. Is my dad really acting this way?? I guess so.
The next day I call my dad as I am heading back to the airport to check in.
"How's everything going? Did you have a nice night last night?" I had left him various foods and wine to enjoy for dinner, so I am assuming that he had a quiet night at home with the dog.
"Yes, it was great. I took King to the wine bar. You know, a lot of people come up and talk to you when you have an interesting dog like that. I sat outside and had some wine and salad and pizza. That dog sure does attract a lot of attention."
So... the first night he ditches the dog, and the second night he is using him as a chick magnet at a wine bar. Has the world gone insane? And a greyhound is not going to sit down or lay down in a place like that. He is going to just stand there the whole time, wishing he could leave.
Love my dad, but it's time for a new dog sitter.
